Big Feels about the World Spinning

5.3

BIG FEELS ABOUT THE WORLD SPINNING:

-

I want to change for the new year

I think I already did

I tell my therapist

change

I feel different

shifted

I feel like the world is spinning

just left of center

-

In a good way

I say

-

My friend asks me

Aren’t you sad

Aren’t you heartbroken

-

Don’t you grieve what made you change

-

I ask myself 

Are you sad

Are you heartbroken

-

I find a gust of wind instead

-

I’m relieved

I tell her

I can’t believe I made it this far

-

But sometimes the world tilts back

like yesterday

spinning around my head

like it always did

I record a ten minute voice memo

for the same friend

then delete it

not wanting the evidence 

of the unchanged self

-

I wake in the morning and make a smoothie

and on the drive to work 

on glossy winter roads

I think of how good my belly feels

to be holding half an avocado

one and a half bananas

a cup of oat milk

and a teaspoon of matcha

-

I think 

Oh yea

This is different

I am changed

-

not because my new self

is a blissful stranger

-

but because when my worlds collide

I make a smoothie

take deep breaths

write and write 

record voice memos

then delete them

go to bed

and wake up feeling tender

-

In a good way

I say

-

-

Talk soon,

Natahna

_________________

The Recommends: The book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski.