I am at the dentist during the eclipse (whoops). She carves a little statue of David into my mouth. I love my dentist. She is beautiful and maternal. She says, “I’m so afraid. My two kids are driving to school right at that time [the time of the eclipse]. I feel like they’re going to get in an accident. I told the nanny to be careful, so careful.” I try to be so calm, so cool, so collected for her. I even say a little prayer in my head for her babies, why not. I try not to think of the needle, the way my nose gets covered by the dental damn, how the saliva pools at the back of my throat while she works.
I am the dullest, most boring version of myself at the dentist. For one, I might faint; I have fainted before. It is so dramatic to faint. I hate the attention. It’s difficult to be engaging when I’m repeating every mantra I can think of in my head, hoping it will calm my nervy system. For two, my dentist is truly so gorgeous and I think, on the off chance that I get it all wrong, it would perhaps be best for everyone involved if she knows nothing about me at all. Last year, at my check up, she asked me what was new. It was the week after I had left my husband/my car had been totalled/I had moved to a new flat. I said, “I got a new electric tooth brush. I like it.” She looked so disappointed in me. At the end of the appointment she said, “Maybe next time you’ll have something new to tell me.”
At my next appointment I prepared three new things to say that had nothing to do with new dental equipment, just in case.
As she plays Michaelangelo in my mouth, I think of those hoof cleaning videos that come up on my TikTok after I’ve been scrolling too long. I think it must be the same as cleaning/filling a cavity. After the appointment, she shows me pictures of what she has done, tells me that it was a bigger cavity than she expected. It does look like a mini hoof. I feel disproportionally proud of the little pearled tooth now perched in the old tooth’s place.
My dentist says goodbye. I tell her I hope her babies are okay.
I walk out of my appointment at the peak of the eclipse. I never did get myself eclipse glasses, and I didn’t make a little contraption with a cereal box. I drive myself home and sit down to write this. I can hear the neighbours talking about the eclipse outside. I don’t trust myself not to look at the sun, so I stay inside, make myself a smoothie, think about having a lil’ nap.
My friend comes over a couple hours later and we find a park, lay out in the grass, happy that the sun is here and alive and well and we are too.
Talk soon,
Natahna
The Recommends: Honest to god, flossing your teeth twice a day and using fluoride toothpaste at night (it helps!!).
Hoof cleaning 😂 that is such a good parallel!